Get Ready Men - We're Next...

It is often that write most at night when I should be sleeping. Tonight is not exception and for many reason recently, I am getting pumped to start a series for us men. That's right. We got issues. But we serve a God who is far beyond those.

So, here is Post #.05 to start it off. I saw this ad in a motorcycle magazine I got and wanted to share it. No wonder it's so hard for us men to keep our head, heart, minds, eyes above water when the whole culture around us just accepts and encourages us to follow primate behavior and not honor God's Word.

It reads: "Insuring Riders From Distractions For Over 30 Years"

Reflections: she isn't a cop - girls with those shades just look so weird...I don't get it - ha, but alas, this is supposed to be more serious. I was actually surprised at the obvious message behind this ad. Any thoughts?

And Ladies: any thoughts on how you feel about women being used in this form of advertising?

Part 1,000 - Last Post For The Ladie Folk

No excuses. Time to get this done. Rob is married, life will always be fast paced, and this topic still makes me wish I was an awesome public speaker and could get all women in a room and say, “Do you realize that you are missing out on God’s best for your life?!?”

So Ladies, let’s talk about boys and dating,

And yes. This may draw some criticism like one of my previous posts that this is just white noise and everyone knows it, but that is why blogs exist, for people to say how they feel…and I pray that someone (both genders) get challenged with these words to some degree.

Here are a few dangerous scenarios:
- One of the most common and yet most ignored issues in dating today, is the “I can’t stand him or how he treats me, but I may not be able to get anyone else so…I’ll stay with him”. Let me just be forward with you. That is a lie from the pit of hell. You could literally ruin your life forever because of not being patient enough to let the Lord work and provide someone that you do enjoy and can respect and can be with. I mean, look around! Can’t you see the people that you know who decided to marry someone for that reason? Is that a relationship you hope to mirror some day? We’ve already talked about this…and I will say it again…you have immeasurable value! So, don’t waste your time with future deadbeats who are using you for your body, money, or the schedule structure you bring but aren’t giving much, if anything, back!

- Speaking of deadbeats, let’s talk about relationship effort. Here’s you, contributing 80+% of the effort toward the relationship and you’re getting almost nothing back. Do you really think that is sustainable? Are you really comfortable with someday having a husband who is more like a child who needs everything done for them? I promise you: that will get old fast. You need to kick him to the streets. It may look funny on TV when guys are stupid and their wives are geniuses and it’s so cute…but in real life, when you’re not getting paid to be an actress and act like it’s cute, it doesn’t last long

Subpoints in that category:

• Not all ADULT men waste 3 hours a day playing video games, leave him unless you see Halo and cuddling in your future (Really? ADULT men playing hours of video games daily…that feels weird to even type that out on my keyboard)
• Yes, you are more important than sports games and the TV
• If you hanging out with your boyfriend is like that babysitting job you had once, get ready for a life time of that
• If he doesn’t want to go to church now or lead your relationship spiritually, he isn’t going to if you just “love him” more. It just doesn’t work like that. Has it ever happened? Sure! But does it normally…no
• If he has ever hit you or threatened to hit you, not only should you tell someone about it ASAP, you need to get out of that before something even more serious happens. Behaviors hint at what’s inside. It will most likely only get worse (and if you’re ever afraid to break up with someone because of this fear, call me and we’ll figure out something for you)
  

- Most of you are adults, so here it is straight: Sex is NOT going to get you love. So on the movies it looks like all the women have to do is give a little of themselves or take off this or that and then the guys are magically into them forever and ever. Not reality. It just isn’t. Let’s say you had a job and you got paid salary for 40 hours a week and you actually worked 70 every week. Do you think your employer will notice and raise your salary substantially to compensate you? No. Why would they? They are getting what they want! Free labor for a low cost. Or would you say, maybe if I work 80 hours a week, then they will notice my efforts and honor them with a raise? Absolutely not! So why do so many women give everything they have physically thinking that maybe then he will want you. You are betting everything you have! And even worse, you are giving a gift that he absolutely does not deserve. I’m not coming down on you. Everyone makes mistakes, but please please please don’t buy the lie that if you give more physically, he will then be interested in commitment. He won’t. He’s a user not a provider

Subpoints:

• Living together is NOT a good idea. Not just because it isn’t “moral”, but statistics have come out now after more than a decade of this trend picking up substantially and the “trial marriage” doesn’t help the chances of avoiding divorce at all. It actually increases them! You are being used for sex, and I don’t care what he tells you. If he cared about you or Jesus at all, he wouldn’t ask you to be in that situation

- A HUGE growing issue each year is relationships that are based on text messaging. Ladies, if you have a guy that is telling you how awesome and good looking you are, etc. over text and your communication is limited to text and rarely phone calls or in person, he is not worth your time. I spoke with a friend once who said they had a 20:1 scenario…20 texts for every phone call or talk in person. Seriously, if he can’t be a man and tell you those things in person instead of with T9Word, you’re not going to be able to respect him in a relationship
- One of my least favorite, but frequent, lines that I hear from mainly high school age girls is, “yeah, he may treat everyone else like trash, but he’s so sweet to me”. Do you seriously think that he is fixed on supplying all your needs and ready to responsibly invest in a relationship with you? Please! He’s working toward using you. If he treats you much nicer than everyone else in his life, he’s not worth your time and he’s convinced that if he keeps it up, he can get something from you. It will only get worse when you slide the ring on your finger

Lastly and HUGELY important, you need to give respect to get respect. Ideally we all should respect each other by choice, but let me just say, if you are dating someone who doesn’t act like they are 5 years old, but maybe doesn’t speak as fast as you or come up with decisions as fast as you…you HAVE to learn to respect them in the way of not making all the decisions just because it isn’t the pace you’re used to. God made men slow ☺. Seriously, we process stuff for a longer time and try to make better decisions. Is that true for everyone and does that time taken always help? Not always, but I promise you this, you have the power to completely cripple your boyfriend or husband with your words. And in all seriousness, I believe we will be held accountable for that stuff someday. Yes, he needs to respect you and if he doesn’t at all, don’t waste your time, but if you don’t respect him at all, chances are, you are de-motivating him to be better, not the opposite like you may think.

Whew.


Recommended pre-marriage book (so I’m told ☺):
- Love and Respect by Emerich Eggrich
- For Women Only by Shaunti Feldham

My Letter To All Females - Part IV(a)

Everyone take a deep breath. I can't make any promises, but I believe these next two (which are connected) will be the last parts of this series. Whew.

Repeated disclaimer: I do believe some of these things need to be said, mostly because I have thought them for a while and just can't stand them being in my head anymore :-), but also because by the grace of God, I pray that some of these words do benefit someone and do find a purpose.

Let's Talk About Boys...:-),

This post is written with non-married women in mind. The biggest reason being, all the problems/issues/happenings that I am trying to prevent by typing this are all pre-marriage. Hopefully, if you are married, you made a series of good decisions and if you didn't, you have sought Godly counsel.

So here are some thoughts, broken into two phases that all fall under the pre-marriage header:

Singleness: Yeah yeah...I know what many are thinking. Please not another "God loves you in spite of your singleness" talk...:-) I promise that isn't what this is...(although He does :-))

In all seriousness though, I fear that to many degrees we have sacrificed Him for all the temporary pleasures of this world. A lot of you have idolized the fantasy of being with the opposite sex so much so that you have forgotten your first love. And if the Lord wasn't your first love, you need to know Him. A priority? Yes. But more importantly, a life-changing, path-altering, goal-shifting, view-shaking decision? Absolutely.

And like someone needing something to survive, many girls today make decisions based on a frenzy effect and not on the leading of the Lord.

I feel like the Lord sits, watches and says, "What about me?"

I believe many young women crave the aspects of a relationship (acceptance, physical touch, affirmation, feeling of love, intimate connection, etc.) and out of that craving, instead of finding all of those in the Lord, make quick decisions to date someone who doesn't come anywhere close to what they're looking for in an ideal lifelong friend and mate.

Contrary to popular belief: You do not need a man.


So here's what I'm driving at and this relates to one of my previous posts:

You want love? He is the only one that can truly offer a completely selfless version of it.
You want acceptance? The Lord and the Body of Christ are supposed to be the leaders in that.
You want affection? I hope and pray that you have some healthy relationships and healthy male friendships in your life that can show you that.
You want an intimate connection? So does the Lord! With us!

Look, I'm not missing the (elephant in the room) point here. I realize that God made Eve for a reason. Men and women are meant to be together, I get it. But don't look with a scowl at your season of singleness...or even life of singleness because the fulfillment that the Lord offers can/should quench us and then everything else (a god-centered, healthy relationship with a godly man WHO respects you) is in addition to that fulfillment.

Why do you think the Lord finished creation with you? You really are the final masterpiece of creation. Bought with the blood of the King and formed in His likeness to show His glory.

Yeah, you're kind of a big deal...:-)

My Letter To All Females - Part III

Note: Please read my disclaimer in Part II, if you haven't already to understand where I'm coming from with all of this...

How You (Ladies) View/Treat Each Other...
I am going to follow the advice of a Relient K song that says, "Why don't you come right out and say it? Even if the words are probably going to hurt, I'd rather have the truth than something insincere."

Let's get right into it.

James 3:9 - "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness".

1 Peter 3:8,9 - "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or INSULT WITH INSULT, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

Romans 12:9, 10 - "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly [and sisterly] love. Honor one another above yourselves".


Girls, Women, Young Ladies, Princesses, God's creations,
I am going to be very straightforward knowing that not everyone, but MOST women could be offended by this because it really applies. I am not going to apologize for my words. I will admit some of this is generalization, but for the sake of the ENTIRE BODY, I beg you to weigh these words heavily to make sure you don't fit into these descriptions.

I believe it breaks the heart of God when he hears the things you girls say about each other behind each others backs. As I said in the last posting (Part II), when you think so terrible of yourself, you are verbally, mentally, etc. destroying a very creation of His. How can you think that gossip is not the same thing but directed at another instead of yourself?

I believe that gossip is the number 1 relational division causer in the church today; at least in the US. How can we expect to get anything accomplished as the Body of Christ if there is so much division in the body over PETTY things?

Who cares what she said about you? Remember, you are a child of God! You have Him! You have been made in His likeness. Who cares what someone else says about you! YOUR VALUE RUNS DEEPER THAN WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT YOU. Or it should.

You think by responding with the same level of remark: telling someone how terrible what she said was, or telling someone else something hurtful about that person, or giving each other the glare for a while, or pretending like nothing is wrong when you are boiling with bitterness...you think that HELPS ANYTHING?

You're a child of the Almighty. You are more than side comments and gossip. You are so much more than that level of worthless chatter. But when you do that or are involved in that, or even merely listen to that, you lower yourself to one who adheres to the world and its "mores" rather than one who follows the WORD and the very words spoken by the Lord.

Am I saying that guys don't do this? No. But it is mainly an issue with females. If you are truly secure in who you are in the King, then you would never have a need to make any defense remarks or any retaliations to statements about yourself.

I can't speak for every Christ wanna-be guys in the world, but I can speak for myself: nothing drives me crazier than a girl who claims (yes, I said "claims" on purpose) to be a Christ wanna-be, who talks non stop about other people and how annoying, stupid, weird, ugly, badly dressed, prideful, backstabber, and a hypocrite THEY ARE. Who is the real hypocrite in this story? I submit to you that it's the person talking not the subject of the talk.

I seriously don't want to hear it. As you are speaking those words, you are tearing down: yourself, the listener, the person you're talking about, and the person you claim as your Savior.

This is a tough card to pull, but I truly believe this so severely breaks the heart of God, so here goes: Please tell me why anyone would be interested in gaining the light you have inside of you if all they hear coming out of your mouth are venomous words? Seriously, we talk about wanting to see people come to the Lord, but we cut down people all the time around believers and non-believers. NO ONE will want to be like someone who is exactly like them. Role models don't act the same as everyone...

Whew. You are more because of Him - and ONLY because of Him. He rescued us from death and gave us a life that we didn't deserve. We don't deserve life, but He gave it. Let's be people who offer life to others instead of being death-spreaders.

Let's DO what the Word says and not just say, "Oh that's good" or "That probably means something to someone".


James 1:22-25: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what is says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man (or woman :-)) who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does".

My Letter To All Females - Part II

Disclaimer: I am not so haughty to assume that my words are like gold and thus title this post something that could be taken to sound as if women in general need to hear my words. Please here my heart in this. This letter is an accumulation of years of confusion, questions, and yes tears. Please comment if you would like. If you seriously disagree with anything, just call me. There will be more parts; this rant went long. Sorry. It's because of a broken heart.


Dear Ladies,
If I may, I would like to speak to a couple different areas of life that have honestly weighed me down for years. To start, how you view yourselves.

How You (Ladies) View Yourselves:
This is possibly one of the most frustrating things to observe. Let me say first, to any female reading this who has ever thought otherwise, you have more value to the Lord and this life than you could possibly realize. How dare you think the way you do and say the things you do about a child of His, made in His image? He doesn't care what your weight is. He doesn't care what you look like. He doesn't care how bad of a singer or public speaker you are. He doesn't care about anything you have ever done wrong AS LONG AS you are using these examples as proof for Him not to love you. What I am saying is this: He made you, crafted you, gave you the personality you have, gave you the eye color you have, gave you the voice you have, gave you the talents you have. How ridiculous is it for us humans to turn these gifts into self-deprecation points?

Look, I understand (to a degree). Everyone wants to look good and want people to like them, but as stated in my last post, if you don't realize that you were made for a relationship with the King of Kings who loves unconditionally, you will NEVER be satisfied. You could have the most awesome and fashionable clothes. You could be the most gorgeous girl who has ever lived. You could be the thinnest person in the world. You could be the smartest girl and the wisest. But all of this will mean nothing if you don't realize what you were created for and live like you realize it. Unconditionally. Meaning: what ever you do: sin, mistakes, bad choices, however you look, however smart you, however many boys have asked you out...it doesn't matter. He loves with a love that is unconditional. You can not earn it.

The girls that you are told to be like, the ones on the magazines, you think they wake up and read their Bible? Not to judge, but I doubt most of them do. With JUST THAT in mind, you should feel called to a different lifestyle. You were created to delight in the King and Him only and if there is a man who strives to replicate Christ's love for the church in a relationship with you, then draw closer to the Lord together. However, if a possible "suitor" does not fit this description, because you have such contentment in the Lord, you should not even waste your time, because that is honestly what you would be doing if you pursued it anyway.

Some people say, "I would rather be unhappy than alone", and as much as I think that is bogus, let me ask you this, would you rather be not loved and married, or "alone" and loved by the King only? When we have the contentment that would respond to that question with the "alone with the King" option, then and only then can anyone expect to have a healthy marriage, because the foundation is solid. Two people, in love with the King and each other. The way it was designed to be from the beginning.

You are special! You are valued! Don't think otherwise.


Not that any of you fit in this category :-), but to not feel like I have left anything out, this portion is for any ladies reading this who think very highly AND speak of yourselves in a braggadocios manner all the time:
It is hard for me to say this after all the positive things I just said, but in the same way that it is severely detrimental to view yourself in a negative manner all the time, it is equally and possibly more dangerous to command worship from others all the time, either by your actions or words.

An individual who fits in this category feels that she deserves everything. She is entitled to whatever she thinks she is. She commands things out of people and gets annoyed when the praises from others aren't constantly flowing.

And do I think you are totally to blame? Not really. But largely. It could be a number of things. A parent who takes the princess imagery a little too far and turns it into child worship, getting everything you have ever wanted your whole life (materially speaking), or it could even just be part of your personality. Whatever the reason, it is not Christlike, and may I challenge you to take a look at yourself and make sure you are not this way.

Biggest reason: God honors humility. It's everywhere. One of the most repeated quotes in the Bible, "God opposed the proud and gives grace to the humble". Second biggest reason: your gender's example, the Hollywood dwelling gals...their lives are centered around worship of themselves (their bodies, talent, but mainly money). There are plenty of beautiful women who aren't famous. It comes down to the money. Okay, enough of that tangent (had to get it out there).

Here's what the Bible says about the example for you that shows and movies provide: Romans 12:2, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will". Again, hear my heart. I am not condemning you and trying to make anyone depressed, but I am shouting, "SET YOURSELF FREE!" from the bondage of this kind of life. It may seem fun for a little while, but it is shallow and temporary.

Proverbs 31:30: "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"

We all deserve death. You don't deserve the best clothes all the time. You don't deserve the most expensive ring (:-)). You don't deserve the best car money can buy. Your husband/boyfriend should want to bless you AND want to provide for you, but this is a statement of blessing, not deserving. You should admire your spouse and he should admire you and be willing to lay down his life for you. Ha, for goodness sakes, it's supposed to be a secret that you're a princess! You aren't supposed to know that and act like it, you are supposed to be honored by the loving and respectful actions of men in your life. Am I saying that all men act like that? No. And I apologize for that. And I certainly don't always either, but I'm still saying it because it needs to be said...

So, if you find yourself thinking you deserve the best parking spot, the best seat in the room, the best treatment, etc. all the time, then you need to remember something that Jesus said (whose words we are supposed to be following :-/):

Mark 9:35
"Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all'."


Part III to follow....

My Letter To All Females - Part I

The second part will be a written letter from me. This first part is a section from a book I'm reading...and I thought what the author had to say was pretty powerful and mostly accurate.

The Curse Still Holds Women Captive
"Even today, we observe how the curse still holds women captive. Women struggle to prove their worth and are easily persuaded to accommodate the lusts of men. This is a pitiful replacement for the God of unconditional love but every girl is tempted to measure her worth by what men think. At a young age, little girls learn that part of being feminine means to look pretty. This God-given desire for beauty, however, takes on a destructive turn during impressionable teen years as girls become focused on their appearance, trying to measure up to an unwritten standard of perfection. Whether it's her weight, bra size, complexion, or hair texture, every young woman feels that she is deficient in one way or another.

Deceived by the demonic lie that her value depends upon appearance rather than character or faith, women face the pressure for approval. It is unavoidable. Sometimes a woman's only resolve for this tension comes in the form of destructive behavior. Anorexia, bulimia, cutting, and sexual promiscuity offer deceptive promises to relieve the tormenting messages of being unacceptable. Sadly, many women don't realize there is an alternative to be found in Christ's love.

Most recently, there had been a decline in modest dress, encouraging attention based on lust rather than respect. Tight clothing and cleavage is the fashion, but the message is sends completely discards dignity and respect. Women utterly despise being relegated to objects. No little girl ever grows up with a dream to become a Playboy centerfold, but the curse draws women into the clutches of such degrading practices because of their extreme thirst for approval.

Endless effort to gain the approval of a father, a husband, a pastor, or a boss only gives women temporary reward. God is our only true source of worth, but most women don't know the way back into His arms.

Eventually, some women grow weary of the "game" with its labyrinth of unwritten rules and they exchange their femininity for hostility-liberation from men. Exhausted from their efforts and wounded by their sacrifices, these "liberated" women have accumulated so much deep-seated resentment toward men that they reject all of them, claiming that men are lust-filled womanizers who are not necessary to society. They may blame men for their pain, but the true agony in their souls goes back to the Garden scene. Jesus is the only answer for their truest need."


Reference: Finding Intimacy In A Love Starved World by Cindy Janczyc

Loneliest Holiday of the Year?

I was pretty convinced a few months ago that Thanksgiving and Christmas can be very lonely, which is still true. Especially for people who have lost love ones.

We all do need healthy family love, I agree. But whether we got that or not, most people yearn for a more personal love in a mate.

But what holiday goes beyond that type of love to showcase whether or not you have someone who loves you enough to be married to you/seriously dating you?

Valentine's Day.

Dare I say that this day, not on a preaching from the street corners type of method, but a more personal (i.e. people you work with) way is the best evangelistic day of the year?

Many people don't have someone to call their "valentine" come February. Many people get depressed on this day for that reason.

What I am proposing/getting at is this: What other day of the year brings out a longing in us for a love that is truly unconditional? How many Valentine's Day one night stands are there where the individuals wake up the following day not feeling any more loved than the day before. The world and Hershey's say that we need a mate, even if just for the day, but I say...

We should actively be exemplifying a love that goes beyond chocolates and surprise flower deliveries. We after all know or should know what it is like to be loved unconditionally.

Ergo: The world celebrates this day through eros love (sexual love), but the problem is what everyone really wants/more so needs is agape love (unconditional).

Use this day/weekend/season to show someone what it really looks like to have this kind of genuine relationship. You might be missing out on the best day of the year to have that talk...

Again I Apologize...

Again I apologize for interjecting my own thoughts, when I promised to use mostly quotes but I can't resist this one...please answer and please answer honestly as possible...

What are you passionate about? Not an occupation. Not a person. But what would you rather die than see happen/not happen.

i.e. You would rather die than see one more person suffer from AIDS....something like that...