Part 1,000 - Last Post For The Ladie Folk

No excuses. Time to get this done. Rob is married, life will always be fast paced, and this topic still makes me wish I was an awesome public speaker and could get all women in a room and say, “Do you realize that you are missing out on God’s best for your life?!?”

So Ladies, let’s talk about boys and dating,

And yes. This may draw some criticism like one of my previous posts that this is just white noise and everyone knows it, but that is why blogs exist, for people to say how they feel…and I pray that someone (both genders) get challenged with these words to some degree.

Here are a few dangerous scenarios:
- One of the most common and yet most ignored issues in dating today, is the “I can’t stand him or how he treats me, but I may not be able to get anyone else so…I’ll stay with him”. Let me just be forward with you. That is a lie from the pit of hell. You could literally ruin your life forever because of not being patient enough to let the Lord work and provide someone that you do enjoy and can respect and can be with. I mean, look around! Can’t you see the people that you know who decided to marry someone for that reason? Is that a relationship you hope to mirror some day? We’ve already talked about this…and I will say it again…you have immeasurable value! So, don’t waste your time with future deadbeats who are using you for your body, money, or the schedule structure you bring but aren’t giving much, if anything, back!

- Speaking of deadbeats, let’s talk about relationship effort. Here’s you, contributing 80+% of the effort toward the relationship and you’re getting almost nothing back. Do you really think that is sustainable? Are you really comfortable with someday having a husband who is more like a child who needs everything done for them? I promise you: that will get old fast. You need to kick him to the streets. It may look funny on TV when guys are stupid and their wives are geniuses and it’s so cute…but in real life, when you’re not getting paid to be an actress and act like it’s cute, it doesn’t last long

Subpoints in that category:

• Not all ADULT men waste 3 hours a day playing video games, leave him unless you see Halo and cuddling in your future (Really? ADULT men playing hours of video games daily…that feels weird to even type that out on my keyboard)
• Yes, you are more important than sports games and the TV
• If you hanging out with your boyfriend is like that babysitting job you had once, get ready for a life time of that
• If he doesn’t want to go to church now or lead your relationship spiritually, he isn’t going to if you just “love him” more. It just doesn’t work like that. Has it ever happened? Sure! But does it normally…no
• If he has ever hit you or threatened to hit you, not only should you tell someone about it ASAP, you need to get out of that before something even more serious happens. Behaviors hint at what’s inside. It will most likely only get worse (and if you’re ever afraid to break up with someone because of this fear, call me and we’ll figure out something for you)
  

- Most of you are adults, so here it is straight: Sex is NOT going to get you love. So on the movies it looks like all the women have to do is give a little of themselves or take off this or that and then the guys are magically into them forever and ever. Not reality. It just isn’t. Let’s say you had a job and you got paid salary for 40 hours a week and you actually worked 70 every week. Do you think your employer will notice and raise your salary substantially to compensate you? No. Why would they? They are getting what they want! Free labor for a low cost. Or would you say, maybe if I work 80 hours a week, then they will notice my efforts and honor them with a raise? Absolutely not! So why do so many women give everything they have physically thinking that maybe then he will want you. You are betting everything you have! And even worse, you are giving a gift that he absolutely does not deserve. I’m not coming down on you. Everyone makes mistakes, but please please please don’t buy the lie that if you give more physically, he will then be interested in commitment. He won’t. He’s a user not a provider

Subpoints:

• Living together is NOT a good idea. Not just because it isn’t “moral”, but statistics have come out now after more than a decade of this trend picking up substantially and the “trial marriage” doesn’t help the chances of avoiding divorce at all. It actually increases them! You are being used for sex, and I don’t care what he tells you. If he cared about you or Jesus at all, he wouldn’t ask you to be in that situation

- A HUGE growing issue each year is relationships that are based on text messaging. Ladies, if you have a guy that is telling you how awesome and good looking you are, etc. over text and your communication is limited to text and rarely phone calls or in person, he is not worth your time. I spoke with a friend once who said they had a 20:1 scenario…20 texts for every phone call or talk in person. Seriously, if he can’t be a man and tell you those things in person instead of with T9Word, you’re not going to be able to respect him in a relationship
- One of my least favorite, but frequent, lines that I hear from mainly high school age girls is, “yeah, he may treat everyone else like trash, but he’s so sweet to me”. Do you seriously think that he is fixed on supplying all your needs and ready to responsibly invest in a relationship with you? Please! He’s working toward using you. If he treats you much nicer than everyone else in his life, he’s not worth your time and he’s convinced that if he keeps it up, he can get something from you. It will only get worse when you slide the ring on your finger

Lastly and HUGELY important, you need to give respect to get respect. Ideally we all should respect each other by choice, but let me just say, if you are dating someone who doesn’t act like they are 5 years old, but maybe doesn’t speak as fast as you or come up with decisions as fast as you…you HAVE to learn to respect them in the way of not making all the decisions just because it isn’t the pace you’re used to. God made men slow ☺. Seriously, we process stuff for a longer time and try to make better decisions. Is that true for everyone and does that time taken always help? Not always, but I promise you this, you have the power to completely cripple your boyfriend or husband with your words. And in all seriousness, I believe we will be held accountable for that stuff someday. Yes, he needs to respect you and if he doesn’t at all, don’t waste your time, but if you don’t respect him at all, chances are, you are de-motivating him to be better, not the opposite like you may think.

Whew.


Recommended pre-marriage book (so I’m told ☺):
- Love and Respect by Emerich Eggrich
- For Women Only by Shaunti Feldham